The Secret Sauce of Trust: Why Intimacy Matters in the Workplace
I enjoy morphology. I didn’t know that an interest in playing with words was called this, nor that words are made up of smaller components called morphemes & phonemes. But I do now, and I quite like this, because it makes me sound smarter than when I started writing this article!
This also reminds me of memetics, a theory of the evolution of culture based on Darwinian principles with memes being the units of culture, first coined by Richard Dawkins in his book The Selfish Gene.
I was first introduced to memetics and memes more than 20 years ago when I was working at one of the UK’s leading innovation consultancies, Brand Genetics , where our proposition of applying the premise of evolution being the source of progress to innovation projects gained fabulous traction.
Anyway, that’s enough ‘science’ talk - my brain is about to explode!
What I want to talk about is the word ‘intimacy’, which can be broken down to ‘in to me see’, and its’ importance in the pursuit of high performance.
We know from David Maister ’s Trust Equation, that intimacy helps to build trust. And we know from Patrick Lencioni The Five Dysfunctions of a Team that the root cause of this same dysfunction is an absence of trust.
"The highest performing organisations aren’t built on talent alone - they’re built on deep trust, shared purpose and the courage to be real with each other". - Patrick Lencioni
So, ‘in to me see’. Do you do this for yourself, aka do you trust yourself?
Have you allowed others to see in to you, aka do others trust you?
And do you make a conscious effort to see in to others, aka do you trust them?
All of which requires a level of vulnerability and openness that many people in business (I’d posit the overwhelming majority), struggle to find. This talks to one of the myths of high performance - that the high performers are bullet proof, that you must show no signs of weakness. This is nonsense. In high performance we talk about ‘weak is tough’, that vulnerability & courage drives growth.
So, is all this soft stuff worth it? You betcha!
Research consistently shows us that businesses, teams & individuals that prioritise emotional intelligence (EQ) outperform those that do not - higher sales & profitability, increased productivity, greater engagement, lower turnover rates, better decision making under pressure, lower burnout …or in other words, high performance.
Trust is like Wi-Fi. When it’s strong, everything runs smoothly. When its weak, communication breaks down and frustration kicks in. Organisations thrive on trust, yet many leaders focus only on competence and reliability, forgetting one key ingredient: intimacy. We’re not talking about candlelit dinners or office romances - it’s about the kind of professional intimacy that fosters deep understanding, openness and connection. In today’s fast-paced world, where we’re bombarded with an endless stream of often conflicting messages, the temptation for senior leaders is to build teams solely on skill and efficiency, whereas what they really need to do is focus on creating deep foundations built on relationships.
When people feel safe, valued, and understood, they perform at their best. This reminds me of a question I’ve often posed when working with new clients. ‘Show of hands - how many people in the room have worked out it’s OK to truly be yourself at work’? It’s usually way less than half.
Workplace intimacy is a secret sauce for high performance. Connection is what happens when people feel comfortable being themselves. It means colleagues and leaders listen, support and communicate in a way that fosters trust rather than fear. This then becomes a culture where employees feel safe to voice their opinions, admit mistakes, and take creative risks.
"Workplace intimacy is a secret sauce for high performance". - Mike Read
A place where you can say ‘I don’t know the answer’ without worrying about looking incompetent. Where you can stop wasting energy on office politics and start focusing on doing bloody brilliant work. Where the teams of people you work with assume good intention, making gossip, passive-aggressive emails and urgent messages sent at 11pm a thing of the past. After all, people don’t quit companies, they quit bad cultures. The #1 reason people leave their roles is their boss. So how about making sure this isn’t you!!
The case has been made. Now what to do? Here are 5 thought starters for you to give some consideration to:
Lead with empathy - listen more than you speak, ask thoughtful questions, and remember that everyone has a life outside of work. We all have stuff going on. All of us. All of the time. When leaders genuinely care, employees feel it and they reciprocate.
Encourage honest conversations - create an environment where people feel safe sharing their thoughts and feelings. Welcome & embrace feedback, address concerns openly, and ensure every voice is heard. Remember, it’s often the quiet ones whose voices are the ones to really listen out for, not the people who just have to be heard!
Be real - vulnerability takes courage and is a demonstration of strength. This might sound contradictory but its true. Leaders who admit mistakes and show vulnerability create a culture where learning and growth are valued over perfection.
Recognise and appreciate people more than just once a year. A simple ‘hey, I noticed how much effort you put into that project - great job’, can go a long way. Recognising contributions makes people feel valued and reinforces trust within the team.
Make time for fun, because let’s face it, work shouldn’t be miserable. A team that laughs together, wins together. Whether it’s celebrating small wins, sharing memes in the company chat or grabbing lunch together, small moments of connection make a big difference. At the end of the day, high-performing teams aren’t just about getting things done, they’re about doing great work together. High performance is less about a laser like focus on results, and more about a laser like focus on behaviours - on how we all choose to show up.
Trust holds one of the big keys to high performance and intimacy is the lock to undo. Allow your colleagues to ‘in to you see’ and invest time & energy into ‘in to you I see’.
Till the next Oink,